Cellphones are evil.

It seemed like a good idea at the time. I was on a friend's cell phone plan and wanted a plan of my very own. I called Sprint. Conversation ensues.

"Hi. I'm on a friend's plan and want to get my own plan, but keep the number the same. What do I do?"
"Oh, no problem. Just go into a store and they should be able to help you!"
"Ok, thanks."

Went to store. No good. Friend needs to be with me to sign a transfer of liability form. Can I have you fax him one and have him fax it back? No. Why not? He has to be here in person. Why can't you call him - you have his number. No. He MUST be here physically to sign it. Ok, fine. So we make arrangements to do that.

I call back the 800#. (parts are paraphrased. All the 'Oh!'s were hers, though.)
"Hi. I'm transferring service and I had a question - when I transfer to my own line, can I keep the exact same setup I have now? I'm not sure what features or minute options we have, so could you tell me so I can tell them exactly what I need when I go in?"
"No, unfortunately due to promotional offers possibly expiring, we don't allow people to transfer plan features."
"Ok.. can you tell me if these are standard features or if they were promotions?"
"Unfortunately, I can't tell what they were when it was set up."
".. so can you tell me if they're standard features I can order NOW?"
"I can tell you what our current promotions are!"
".. I just want to know what standard options are."
"Oh! Three way calling, caller ID.."
"I mean for service plans."
"We have an extended warranty agree.."
"No. For minutes - free nights and weekends starting at 6pm, whether I can call someone on your network without incurring minute loss, unlimited text messaging, unlimited web browsing, etc."
"Oh! Well, our free nights and weekends starts at 9pm.."
"Is there an option to start it sooner? That's what we did last time."
"I'm not seeing one, no."
"That sucks. What about the rest?"
"Oh, you can get those, but they're not packaged anymore, it's all seperate fees."
"Ok. That's fine."
"What kind of phone do you have?"
"Samsung A660."
"Oh! We don't offer servicing to that phone anymore, so you might have problems transferring your number to it."
".. it's still on your website?"
"Oh, no! That's a Samsung A560! The antennae's inside. Yours is external."
".. so you're telling me a feature I don't care about made you render my phone obsolete and now I might have to buy a new one?"
"Well, I'm not sure, but it's something you'll want to be aware of when you go in."
"Right. Since I'm starting a new contract, am I eligible for a new 'free' phone?"
"Unfortunately, no, since this is a transfer."
"Ok, thanks for the info. I'm looking at the site, (insert phone type) is the phone I want. Can you tell me more about the capabilities? Is this one of the phones that works with your international roaming plans?"
"Oh, hey! You're in luck! That's part of our Buy One Get One offer! You'll get TWO phones!"
"I don't want two phones.. can I just buy one?"
"Why wouldn't you want two? The second one is free!"
"I have no use for a second phone of the exact same type as the one I'm buying. I've had my phone less than a year and now it's obsolete. Even accounting for having a 'spare' if mine happens to break, the chances of me being able to use the second phone with your service don't seem to be all that great."
"Oh.. well.. you have to get the two of them. That's how the offer works. You could wait until after 2/18/06 when the offer expires, or buy a different phone, I guess."
"I'd like to make the change this week. Could I 'accidentally' leave the spare in the store?"
"No, they're registered by serial bar code. It would show up as overstock, registered to you, and they'd just mail it to you."
"Thank you for your help."
"No problem! Is there anything else I can help you with?"
"Can't think of anything, but thanks for asking."

First they make it so I can't buy a phone that doesn't have widgets I don't want. Now I can't buy a single phone, I have to take two.

And yes, I'll call them in the morning.
-P